Just an Update

So we went to the doctor and had an ultrasound today and there was no heartbeat. I guess there's not much to say. I know God has His way of working things out and I guess that's all I have to lean on, that and my husband.

November 11 Update

So, I've been having a completely emotional week this week. I'm a complete wreck! Here's the breakdown:

Last Wednesday (the day we left for our mini vacay to Sedona)
We went to the doctor for the follow up ultrasound. The u/s tech said that the baby's heart rate was still lower than they like to see (92 bpm) and the baby had only grown 2 days worth of growth instead of 5. Josh was there with me and I was completely freaking out on the inside, but I didn't on the outside. I asked what a normal heart rate is and she said over 150. I was 6 weeks 5 days at the time. I saw the nurse practitioner after my u/s and she had nothing really encouraging to say. I broke down when she was talking to me about the possible loss of our peanut. They never really are optimistic I guess. Needless to say, I had a hard time in the beginning of our vacation. Josh helped me to get through it though. He's amazing!

This week Tuesday
I called the doctor's office for the results of my blood work that they took at my Wednesday appointment. The nurse told me "everything looks really good". My progesterone level was good, my "quants" were good. Later that evening I was at the grocery store and noticed I had a voice mail. It was the same nurse practitioner I saw last Wednesday. She said that she noticed I had called about my blood work and there may have been some confusion. My "quants" were not going up like they should be. She wanted to make sure I was feeling ok and to check and see if I was having any cramping or bleeding. I totally felt like she was saying, "well you should be having a miscarriage right about now and I was just checking" I was so incredibly frustrated with the entire situation!! I told God all about it and Josh and my mom on the way home. Sometimes I'm so thankful for the advances we have had in technology and sometimes it's the enemy. I wish the np wouldn't have called. I'm pretty much sure that I'm changing doctors. I just haven't felt comfortable with them since the baginning. There's nothing I can do to fix the levels, why tell me there might be something wrong with your pregnancy but we're not sure?

This situation has completely taught me more about trusting God. Just when I think I've got the whole trusting in God thing down, He stretches me. It's not a comfortable stretch, but I know it's good. I had another breakdown in the car on the way home yesterday. I wish I knew why God allowed these things to happen. Ever since I got married I had prayed for a healthy complication free pregnancy and it's started with complications. I know God has His reasons and I know that I'll come out of this a stronger Christian. At the same time, I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of bad news, I'm just tired I suppose.

So, we're believing for a strong heartbeat on Friday of 150 or more. We're believing for a growing baby, a growing baby that shocks the u/s tech and the nurse practitioner. It's all in God's hands and all I can do is stop trying to take it out of His hands and relax and enjoy this time with my baby and husband:) Believe me, I know how good God is. He amazes me everyday!

We did it!!

Well, it's official. Josh and I are going to have a baby!! There's a great story that I have to tell to go with this wonderful news.

We went over to our friends' house the end of September for a birthday party. My friend Tracey and I were chatting and she told me that she had a dream about me. When someone says that it definitely has you wondering. I had no idea what she was about to say. She said that she had a dream and saw me crying in a baby's room. When she said that my heart sank because I didn't know what that meant. Then Tracey asked me if Josh and I were trying to have a baby. We hadn't told anyone that we were trying (or not not trying), so this was absolutely a God thing. I told her that we sort of were. She then said to me something I will never forget, "I just want you to know that God hears you and He will give you the desires of your heart". I went home that night and just cried because I was so grateful to know that God hears me. When someone says something like that to you, it's the best feeling in the world. I know that God hears me all the time, but for someone to know the situation I was in and to have the boldness to tell me is simply awesome! No one has ever told me something like that before. I knew this was genuine.

When I first went off the pill I thought I'd get pregnant right away, but that didn't happen. Each month I wasn't pregnant was a little devastating even though we weren't "trying". I finally took matters into my own hands and bought a basal thermometer and I was going to monitor my temp. to see when I was ovulating. I took my temp. the first day then I thought, we're going to have a baby when God says we are. Keeping track of my temp. isn't going to help anything. I released everything to God that morning. It was a great feeling! That same month, the month of releasing, the month I received the message from God (via Tracey), we got pregnant!

I went to the doctor last Friday and they did some blood work and my progesterone was a little low so they prescribed a supplement. I was a wreck when they told me this. The fear of miscarriage has been in the back of my mind since we got pregnant. I have to keep telling myself to take captive EVERY thought. Even as I write this and share my testimony, I know that God is good and he has blessed us with the sweet little pumpkin of a baby. I know He will provide and keep the baby and I healthy and safe. I've been telling everyone that will listen my story. We are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony!

Goodbye Segers:(

So today my friends, the Segers, left for their journey to Portland. They had felt for some time that they were called to do a church plant, but today is the day the left to actually do it. While I am so very excited for them and for all that God is going to do, I so wish we could have had more time with them. I finally had to log off Facebook so it would stop reminding me of them leaving. I'm having a SUPER hard time with this. There's moments where I'm perfectly fine, but then I lose it. It's everything I can do to not be a puddle of tears at my desk (it doesn't help that my Pandora keeps playing sad and weepy songs)! Now when they read this I don't want them to feel bad, but I want them to know that they have made an impact on our lives that we were never prepared for. They became some of our best friends in a matter of months, weeks probably. We never expected to make such wonderful friends so quickly at a new church where we knew very few people.

I might have already said this, but Josh and I had been praying for good "couple" friends and just good friends in general when we left our last church. God has blessed us with some wonderful friends since being at DSC and the few that we are closest to are moving to Portland. I guess that means we gotta go too, huh? We're ready and willing when God leads us! Even though I wasn't ready to say good-bye I know that God has placed this wonderful family in our lives for this season and now it's time for them to move on. I so wish we could "move on" with them and when/if God leads us we will go. We're praying for safety, provision in every way, wisdom, direction, health and anything else they need. God has truly blessed the city of Portland!! We love you Segers!!

Facebook Update

So this week my Facebook update was

"Just when I think I can grasp how good God is He goes and does something amazing and I'm left in awe...."

I really have no other way to describe how good God is! He is awesome and loves me so much; more than I can fathom. Who deserves a love like that? We do!!

My husband and I are on for worship team this week and I've been listening to the songs at work and even though I'm working I'm brought to tears when I sing along to the songs. The Desert Song has really been getting me today.

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I'll so
I have a reason to worship

The part about "in every season" has really ministered to me. No matter where in life I am, married, single, a parent, empty nesting, God is still God. We face trials everyday. There are so many things that come against us, but we need to place our hope and our faith in God. I know, it's so much easier said than done. Believe me I'm writing to myself:)