What a Wonderful Christmas

Well, Josh and I had a truly wonderful Christmas! God is so good!!

This year I was determined to create some traditions of our own. I wanted to make homemade cinnamon rolls, but they ended up being "semi-homemade". I used puff pastry instead of making my own dough. I didn't have much time Christmas Eve to get the dough taken care of. We went to church on Christmas Eve and then went to my parents' house to open gifts. We normally don't open gifts on Christmas Eve, but we did this year because my mom was inviting other people over for Christmas dinner. I was so excited to get a new digital camera. I've been wanting one for some time, but holding out because I didn't want to spend the money on it:) We both got some other great gifts. I love watching other people open gifts and taking pictures of them!

Christmas day we started off by opening our gifts to each other and then we took my wonderful cinnamon rolls over to Josh's parents' house. We opened gifts there with Josh's family and it was so much fun. At the Harris house, there are so many gifts and we hardly all fit in the room but I love that. I had such a great time hanging out with them and watching everyone open their gifts. I love that there are a lot of people in a small space enjoying each other. It's different than opening gifts at my parents' house. Not better, just different. I told my mother-in-law that I had such a great time with them. I know that God is helping to love Josh's family more and more. It's hard when you get married and then you have to share your time between two families or sometimes more. I told Josh a few weeks ago that if we have a baby next year I didn't want to go to each family's house and open gifts, but now I'm thinking twice about that. I want our child to experience two different "types" of Christmas. I say that now, but who knows, when we have a baby I may want to just stay home!

We've had so many people say to us that 2010 is going to be a year of growth for our family and I'm standing on that! I want to see my family grow. I want there to be a healthy baby with us next Christmas! I know and I pray that we will be blessed with a little Josh or Michelle in God's time. I know that ultimately He knows what is best for us. I've come to realize that His plan is definitely not always my plan, but I'm waiting on Him and leaning on Him. I remember praying when we first got married that He would place the desire to have children on my heart when the time was right for us. I have the desire to be a mom and I know that Josh has the desire to be a dad. I'm looking forward to 2010!

It's Almost Christmas

So, I'm very excited about Christmas. It is my favorite holiday and not just because there are presents, although I love presents:) I love the smells of Christmas, the baking of Christmas, spending time with family and time away from work. I'm most of all excited because my grandparents are coming to visit tomorrow. They are going to be here for 3 weeks and I just love that they are going to be here. I know they are in their 80s and so they are don't want to do as much stuff as we do but I love that they are coming to town. I know Josh isn't as excited as I am because we end up spending most of the time that they are here at my parent's house and he gets bored easily. We're going to make tamales when the grandparents get here and my grandma will make my favorite cake (vanilla wafer cake) and my not so favorite cake (fruit cake). I know, it seems to always revolve around food but you can't help that at Christmas time:)

This Christmas I've come to realize that I love my family more than I have ever loved them before. I know that going through a difficult time can bring everyone closer together. I pray every morning before I go to work and as I was praying this morning I found myself thanking the Lord for my wonderful husband. Now, I try to pray the Matthew 6:9-13 way (Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.....), but sometimes that's hard. I get a ahead of myself and start thanking in the beginning and asking for stuff right away. I know He hears our prayers no matter how we pray, but I try to pray the way He said to. Anyway, I know that this Christmas I love my husband more than I ever thought I would when we got married. He is the only man that could put up with me, other than God:) Out of all the men on the earth, God blessed me with Josh.

When we first started dating I knew in the back of my mind that he would be the one, but I didn't let myself actively think about that. He says he knew right away that he could see us spending forever together. Our romance was a whirlwind romance. We started dating in November and we got married the following July. That whole year preceding the November when we started dating, I had prayed that this would be the year that I would meet my soul mate and future husband. I had even told God that I didn't have to know he was the one by the end of the year, I just wanted to meet him and know that he was out there. I remember letting the dog out every night and looking up at the sky and praying that prayer. Of course I had to wait until almost the end of the year to meet Josh, but I prayed it every night and I reminded God that the year was coming to end:) The situation for us to start dating was all wrong. When we started liking each other and talking on the phone he was dating someone else and she was not a Christian. I remember one phone call, and I just knew that he was going to ask me if he should break up with his girlfriend. I told him that I couldn't answer that question. Of course my answer was to break up with her, but I couldn't tell him that. He ended up breaking up with her on a Wednesday and that next Monday we were together. I so did not want to be the re-bound girl, but I was. I also did not want to be the first one to say I love you, but I was. I thought my parents would be skeptical of our quick moving romance, but they weren't. They were so happy when he asked for my hand in marriage:)

Now here we are 3 1/2 years later. I thought I loved Josh so much back when we were dating, but I love him so much more now. I'm more in love with him than I ever thought I'd be. We've become accustomed to having in-laws, lived with a crazy roommate, had some crazy "heated arguments", lived in 3 different apartments, bought a car, bought a house, and shared so many wonderful experiences together. Josh has become a wonderful spiritual leader, he is there to support me, he has become more loving and he is not a very "touchy" person, I can see the growth in his relationship with Christ and that's probably most important. I know it's only going to get better and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Love ya sweet thang!

Feeling a bit down today.....

Well, I'm going to try and not be too depressing but on the other hand I need to vent. Just a note to those who read this, it may be depressing and sad.....

Lately, well mostly today, I've been feeling sad. I know that it's totally normal to feel depressed and sad during the holiday season; Chrismas Blues or something. I normally am not sad at all at this time, which is why it's weird that I'm sad. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed though. I love all the Christmas songs, buying presents for loved ones, giving to the Salvation Army bell dinger, decorating the house, and all the great food that comes with Christmas. I love to look back at the year and see just how much God has blessed us and we are truly blessed, so it feels wrong to be sad. Not to mention that it feels like I have a huge lump in my throat and I feel like I might be getting sick.

We have a Christmas party that we're going to tomorrow and I love parties, I love baking for the parties and our neighbors:) I could sit and write a list of the reasons I have to be sad, but most of you would know why I might be feeling a bit down. I am staying strong in my faith and trusting that God has placed Josh and I where we are for a reason. He has blessed us with the house we have for a reason and placed us with the church family we have for a reason. He has allowed us to go through the most difficult time of our lives and our marriage for a reason and brought us through it with flying colors. Although the thought of being pregnant again scares me more than I ever thought it would, I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I've learned that all of the things I thought I was totally in control of are actually out of my hands completely. I've learned in a deeper way what it means to trust God. These are all good things and things that should make me happy, but I don't feel overly happy and believe me I'm trying.

My grandparents are coming into town next week, so I'm very excited to see them. I really wish we lived closer to my extended family. I would love to move back to Texas, but God would have to talk to Josh about that:) I would love to move to Portland to be near our friends, but we haven't heard from God on that. There are a few places I'd like to move, but I think the lesson I need to learn is to be content where I am. I'm continually amazed at the man God has blessed me with. Everyday, I find I'm more and more in love with him. So, I'll go where he goes and I know God will lead and direct him as the spiritual leader of our home and that makes me happy:)

Till next time.

My First Thanksgiving- cooking that is

I thought I should say a little something about my first Thanksgiving. By my first Thanksgiving I mean my first time cooking and entertaining the family. We originally were only going to cook the turkey, but because Josh's mom got sick we ended up cooking quite a bit. Overall it turned out pretty good. We had both families at our house and I was worried about Josh's 83 year old grandpa getting around and having a comfortable place to sit. There wasn't anything for me to worry about, everything turned out really good. There was one person who was invited and had quite the opinion on everything and just irritated me, but as long as I avoided this person and/or stayed positive I was fine. Josh grilled the turkey on the grill. He has a picture on his phone that I'll have to post. It was beautiful! I'm surprised that it fit on the grill because it was 23lbs. I think after this experience, that I'll give it a try again. It kinda helped that it was a last minute change and I wasn't able to think about it for weeks and try to figure everything out.

Josh was awesome! Can I just say that I have an amazing husband, he makes me so happy and when I'm feeling overwhelmed he says just the right thing to make me feel better. I love him so much and I've come to love him even more because of his support during our miscarriage. He has become such a wonderful spiritual leader in our home.

On a bit of a sad note, our friends Jake and Rachel are leaving tomorrow to move to Portland. I will miss them so much. They have helped Josh and I to feel so welcome in their home and we've grown so attached to them. I hate to see them go, but I know that God has called them to Portland and so they must go. I've been praying for our "Portland Friends" to have provision, wisdom, health, and direction in their new journey. I can't wait to hear all the wonderful things that God is going to do in their lives. I know Josh will really miss hanging out with Jake. I was kinda surprised how quickly they became friends, but I had been praying for great friends for Josh and I. I know that God will bring new great friends into our lives, but at the same time there is sadness as the Goras leave. We love you and will miss you Jake, Rachel, and Isreal. You mean so much to us and we have been so blessed by your friendship!

Giving Thanks

This year Thanksgiving was a bit rough as I'm sure you can imagine. I had a hard heart at first I guess you could say. All I was thinking was that this was supposed to be a happy time for us, a time to enjoy our families and be reminded that this would be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I was reminded a lot of our miscarriage this weekend. I love Thanksgiving and being with family, but at the same time it was hard. No one said anything about "it", but I know it was on their minds and hearts. My mom and I went shopping at Kohl's on black Friday and as we waited in an hour long line to check out we passed by the baby section ever so slowly. Normally, even if I wasn't pregnant, she would look lovingly at the small clothes and cute outfits and tell me what she would buy for "her baby". This time as we passed the baby section, she didn't say a word. I don't think she even looked at the clothes unless it was when I wasn't paying attention. I know we were both thinking how nice it would be to purchase baby items and look at the cute clothes knowing we'd be having a baby in June. God had different plans for us. Josh mentioned to me the other day that maybe we were allowed to be pregnant for that short time so we would know without a doubt that it was not time for us to go to Portland. If that was the case, I wish He would have found a better way to tell us but I know He ultimately has better things in store for us.

I've read many blogs and researched miscarriages a lot over the past few weeks. I've read about so many women and the hurt they go through. I remember reading about a woman who became very bitter when she would see other pregnant women or women with newborns. I had thought and prayed that I wouldn't be that way. When our friends Jake and Rachel first came over after our diagnosis I was nervous to see how I'd be with their new baby. As soon as I saw her I knew that I would never be bitter or jealous. She is such a sweet baby and I feel so special that I've been able to hold her and see her smile. In a way, I feel a sense of relief. I know that must sound awful, but I wonder if our baby would have been born with special needs or disabilities that would have been very difficult to handle. I wonder if maybe we just weren't ready. It's my heart's desire to not only be a mom but to be a stay-at-home mom and maybe things weren't going to work out for that to happen. I don't know the reason God has and honestly there is no reason that would have comforted me then. I'm amazed at how quickly I've been able to talk about it without crying and how good I feel. I'm absolutely scared for our next pregnancy but I'm open to the idea. From the beginning of my pregnancy I had told God that this child was His and I can't go back on that. I placed our little peanut in His hands and there's no better place for him to be. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am for all of the prayers, words of encouragement and sweet letters/e-mails we've received. I truly believe that it is because you all cared to much for us that we're able to get through this and be more than conquerers. I know God loves us and I'm placing my life in His hands.