Monday, March 1, 2010
Husband Update
Just wanted to let you all know that my husband and I talked everything over and we're all good now. No bouquet of flowers, but I'll take what I can get!
Friday, February 26, 2010
My Husband- the not so good:)
First of all please know that I love my husband very much and I love writing about how wonderful he is, but I need to vent about him today. Tomorrow will probably be sweet things, but today he makes me crazy:)
So, after I write the sweet things about my husband in my last post he goes and angers me beyond belief. I'm a woman, so there are certain times of the month when I am incredibly emotional and these are the times my husband drives me crazy! We have this long going battle- I tickle him and he hates it and he scares me and I hate it. He is constantly sneaking up on me and scaring me. I make it pretty easy, so he thoroughly enjoys himself. I've even cried because he has scared me and still he does it. Now my tickling him is not like you think. I love to lay my head on his chest and wrap my arm around him and I just lightly brush him on his side with my hand. Sometimes I do it without even thinking, totally not on purpose. The other day I was tickling him and he said, "I'm going to get you back, I'm going to scare you". Of course he doesn't do it that night when I'm prepared for it, he waits for days to go by and scared me this morning. I was livid!! I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that he knows I hate it and yet he goes out of his way to do it. I know there are times where he accidentally scares me, but this was on purpose to get back at me. So of course, we have an all out argument and some how, it is my fault he HAD to scare me. We're husband and wife not brothers or just friends that play and get back at each other. I need to do better about remembering this. He'll do something to me, like lick my cheek or flick me and I'll tell him that I have to get him back for doing that. Those things are nothing like when he scares me. I can't even express to you how much I hate it!! I know sometimes it can be funny and we'll both laugh, but not today. Today you messed with the wrong girl.
I had to leave for work so we didn't get to resolve our issue. I hate that too. And I'm 99% sure that Josh will call me at lunch and act like nothing happened. He can be totally over it and I'm still so angry I could cry! I am always the one who has to go to him to get resolution and for once it would be nice for him to come to me. For him to say, "I'm sorry" and mean it, no sarcasm, not saying it because he's obligated or to keep the peace, but to truly mean it. This would be the apology of my dreams "I'm sorry for scaring you this morning. I'm going to work on not seeking out opportunities to scare you. I would also really appreciate if you would try to remember that I do not like when you tickle me." Now how hard is that? I know, it's probably pretty hard for him to think like that but I can dream:)
So girls, I'm feeling emotional and a little crazy (I'll admit it). I don't like feeling like my hormones are in control and I wish there was some warning light or siren that would go off to alert my husband. How cool would that be if we had some type of alert to let our men know that they better not mess with us? I think Josh would like that too, he'd be in trouble a whole lot less:)
So, after I write the sweet things about my husband in my last post he goes and angers me beyond belief. I'm a woman, so there are certain times of the month when I am incredibly emotional and these are the times my husband drives me crazy! We have this long going battle- I tickle him and he hates it and he scares me and I hate it. He is constantly sneaking up on me and scaring me. I make it pretty easy, so he thoroughly enjoys himself. I've even cried because he has scared me and still he does it. Now my tickling him is not like you think. I love to lay my head on his chest and wrap my arm around him and I just lightly brush him on his side with my hand. Sometimes I do it without even thinking, totally not on purpose. The other day I was tickling him and he said, "I'm going to get you back, I'm going to scare you". Of course he doesn't do it that night when I'm prepared for it, he waits for days to go by and scared me this morning. I was livid!! I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that he knows I hate it and yet he goes out of his way to do it. I know there are times where he accidentally scares me, but this was on purpose to get back at me. So of course, we have an all out argument and some how, it is my fault he HAD to scare me. We're husband and wife not brothers or just friends that play and get back at each other. I need to do better about remembering this. He'll do something to me, like lick my cheek or flick me and I'll tell him that I have to get him back for doing that. Those things are nothing like when he scares me. I can't even express to you how much I hate it!! I know sometimes it can be funny and we'll both laugh, but not today. Today you messed with the wrong girl.
I had to leave for work so we didn't get to resolve our issue. I hate that too. And I'm 99% sure that Josh will call me at lunch and act like nothing happened. He can be totally over it and I'm still so angry I could cry! I am always the one who has to go to him to get resolution and for once it would be nice for him to come to me. For him to say, "I'm sorry" and mean it, no sarcasm, not saying it because he's obligated or to keep the peace, but to truly mean it. This would be the apology of my dreams "I'm sorry for scaring you this morning. I'm going to work on not seeking out opportunities to scare you. I would also really appreciate if you would try to remember that I do not like when you tickle me." Now how hard is that? I know, it's probably pretty hard for him to think like that but I can dream:)
So girls, I'm feeling emotional and a little crazy (I'll admit it). I don't like feeling like my hormones are in control and I wish there was some warning light or siren that would go off to alert my husband. How cool would that be if we had some type of alert to let our men know that they better not mess with us? I think Josh would like that too, he'd be in trouble a whole lot less:)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
My Husband
Today is Valentine's Day and I wanted to take a moment to say how thankful I am for my husband. He puts up with me when I'm crazy (I totally admit there are times when I can be hormonal), he is such a handy man, he is my rock and I know I can turn to him when I'm feeling down, he loves the Lord and that is probably the most important thing.
Over this past weekend we went to a marriage conference at our church. I was a little skeptical of going to a marriage conference and only being married 3 1/2 years. I picture old people who are fighting or on the verge of divorce going to marriage conferences. We had such a great time at the conference. I didn't even mind getting up early on Saturday to go to the morning session (not to mention I knew who was cooking breakfast and I knew I wouldn't want to miss that). At the end of the conference, on Saturday afternoon, we did a group vow renewal. I still cried just like the first time we said the vows. I couldn't even look in Josh's eyes without crying:) It was an awesome time of renewal and a time to learn more about each other.
Here's to a great marriage, one filled with love and respect.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Redeeming Love
Have any of you read this book? It is amazing!! It's a book about a beautiful girl (Angel), who from a child, has a rough life. Her father is a man married to another women, other than her mother. Her mother ends up in prostitution and so does Angel. Michael Hosea sees her and God tells him that she's the woman for him to marry. I know he never thought he'd marry a prostitute. The book is about their lives, and their struggles and how God speaks to them. At one point in the book Angel leaves Michael and he prays and prays for her. God was teaching him about faith. I know this book is a sort of Christian Romance book, but that chapter where Michael was struggling with faith really spoke to me. I know Michael wanted to go after Angel, but God wanted Michael to trust Him. Michael wanted Angel to be there with him, but he knew that God was going to do something wonderful in Angel's life that otherwise would not have happened had she stayed with Michael.
This week has been a rough week with faith. There are some days where I have great faith, even bigger than a mustard seed. Then there are other days where I can't even find faith like dust (I'm not sure what is smaller than a mustard seed, but you get the idea). I've been praying for some very specific, very big things to happen this year. I know I serve a big God and He can do anything, even things that seem impossible. The hard part is not interfering with what He wants to do. I like to be in control, I like to be prepared and have a plan. Sometimes God wants to get me out of my box and experiment with new things like trying His plan instead of mine. The things I'm praying for this year are things that I have no control over. I can't force financial blessing on Josh's career, I can't force healthy pregnancies to happen for my cousin, my co-worker and myself. I know that God is really teaching me so many things right now. I had felt like everything was great, I loved the Lord, my family, and my husband. It seems like just when you start to feel comfortable, just when things are going great, God goes and stretches me. I know it's something that has to be done and I know I'll trust and love Him more at the end of this. The stretching just hurts sometimes, it's uncomfortable and sometimes I just want it to be over.
So if any of you are going through "stretching" please know you're not alone and it gets better. There are going to be bad days, but just think of the results at the end. It's like working out. I go to the gym just about every day and although I don't like it, I like the way I feel when I'm done. When I don't go I feel guilty and not strong. It's a love/hate thing:)
This week has been a rough week with faith. There are some days where I have great faith, even bigger than a mustard seed. Then there are other days where I can't even find faith like dust (I'm not sure what is smaller than a mustard seed, but you get the idea). I've been praying for some very specific, very big things to happen this year. I know I serve a big God and He can do anything, even things that seem impossible. The hard part is not interfering with what He wants to do. I like to be in control, I like to be prepared and have a plan. Sometimes God wants to get me out of my box and experiment with new things like trying His plan instead of mine. The things I'm praying for this year are things that I have no control over. I can't force financial blessing on Josh's career, I can't force healthy pregnancies to happen for my cousin, my co-worker and myself. I know that God is really teaching me so many things right now. I had felt like everything was great, I loved the Lord, my family, and my husband. It seems like just when you start to feel comfortable, just when things are going great, God goes and stretches me. I know it's something that has to be done and I know I'll trust and love Him more at the end of this. The stretching just hurts sometimes, it's uncomfortable and sometimes I just want it to be over.
So if any of you are going through "stretching" please know you're not alone and it gets better. There are going to be bad days, but just think of the results at the end. It's like working out. I go to the gym just about every day and although I don't like it, I like the way I feel when I'm done. When I don't go I feel guilty and not strong. It's a love/hate thing:)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Ode to 1099s and W-2s
Oh, how I dislike thee so.......
It's that time of year again. I used to love the first of the year because it was when I could file my taxes and get a little bonus money, however it's bitter sweet now. I still love the "bonus" the government gives back to me, but I so hate doing 1099s and dealing with issues regarding W-2s.
It's a pain going through all of the payables for the year and determining what is and what isn't "1099-able". I must admit that I enjoy my job and I'm grateful for it. My boss and the girl I work with are great people!
Next time you have to deal with someone who prepares either of these government documents for you, please please be kind. They are working hard and are just as frustrated as you are (most of the time anyway).
Oh and by the way, please keep my co-worker in your prayers over these next few weeks. She's going through the IVF process. It's been a long time coming and I'm praying that they have a healthy baby this year:)
It's that time of year again. I used to love the first of the year because it was when I could file my taxes and get a little bonus money, however it's bitter sweet now. I still love the "bonus" the government gives back to me, but I so hate doing 1099s and dealing with issues regarding W-2s.
It's a pain going through all of the payables for the year and determining what is and what isn't "1099-able". I must admit that I enjoy my job and I'm grateful for it. My boss and the girl I work with are great people!
Next time you have to deal with someone who prepares either of these government documents for you, please please be kind. They are working hard and are just as frustrated as you are (most of the time anyway).
Oh and by the way, please keep my co-worker in your prayers over these next few weeks. She's going through the IVF process. It's been a long time coming and I'm praying that they have a healthy baby this year:)
Monday, January 4, 2010
A year in review and here's to a new year......
Well, 2009 has been quite eventful to say the least. We purchased a house this year, we took a trip to Texas and Josh got to meet my "Texas Family". We made some wonderful friends at our church, then our friends moved away. It was very sad for Josh and I, but at the same time it was exciting to see the new paths God was preparing for our friends. We also experienced a miscarriage in 2009. While this was a terrible thing to go through, I really feel like God is showing us every day how to move past the sadness. This is not to say that I'm never sad or that I never feel depressed, but I have come to see God in a different way through the sadness. He brought me through an incredibly difficult time and helped me to recover emotionally and physically. Josh and I have grown closer to each other and our families this year.
To start the new year we are doing a 21 day fast at our church. Last year I gave up sweets and overall it was pretty easy. I still had cravings, but it wasn't something I couldn't handle. This year I wanted to make sure that this fast was something that would "cost" me something. I wanted it to be a challenge, though not quite as challenging as the Daniel Fast. I decided to give up all sugar, other than fruits, and caffeine and soda. I'm also waking up 20 minutes earlier so I can spend that time in prayer without any distractions. I normally pray while I'm doing my hair/makeup and in the car, but these 20 minutes are completely devoted to my Lord:) I do have to pray that He'll help me to stay awake:) I'm believing for a few things this year; these are my top 5 requests, though I have many more. I'm starting the year off right by fasting and letting God know what I'm believing Him for this year. He has already been so good to us, and I'm excited to see the exceeding and abundant blessing.
1. I want to know the Lord in a completely new way, I want to know His voice better
than ever, I want to walk in His will wholeheartedly.
2. A completely whole, healthy, and happy baby for Josh and I, for my cousin and his wife, and for my co-worker.
3. Financial blessing for Josh in his career.
4. Provision for me to be a stay-at-home-mom.
5. Salvation for our unsaved family members.
Here's to another year, I pray that all who read this are encouraged and blessed. God is so good!
To start the new year we are doing a 21 day fast at our church. Last year I gave up sweets and overall it was pretty easy. I still had cravings, but it wasn't something I couldn't handle. This year I wanted to make sure that this fast was something that would "cost" me something. I wanted it to be a challenge, though not quite as challenging as the Daniel Fast. I decided to give up all sugar, other than fruits, and caffeine and soda. I'm also waking up 20 minutes earlier so I can spend that time in prayer without any distractions. I normally pray while I'm doing my hair/makeup and in the car, but these 20 minutes are completely devoted to my Lord:) I do have to pray that He'll help me to stay awake:) I'm believing for a few things this year; these are my top 5 requests, though I have many more. I'm starting the year off right by fasting and letting God know what I'm believing Him for this year. He has already been so good to us, and I'm excited to see the exceeding and abundant blessing.
1. I want to know the Lord in a completely new way, I want to know His voice better
than ever, I want to walk in His will wholeheartedly.
2. A completely whole, healthy, and happy baby for Josh and I, for my cousin and his wife, and for my co-worker.
3. Financial blessing for Josh in his career.
4. Provision for me to be a stay-at-home-mom.
5. Salvation for our unsaved family members.
Here's to another year, I pray that all who read this are encouraged and blessed. God is so good!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
What a Wonderful Christmas
Well, Josh and I had a truly wonderful Christmas! God is so good!!
This year I was determined to create some traditions of our own. I wanted to make homemade cinnamon rolls, but they ended up being "semi-homemade". I used puff pastry instead of making my own dough. I didn't have much time Christmas Eve to get the dough taken care of. We went to church on Christmas Eve and then went to my parents' house to open gifts. We normally don't open gifts on Christmas Eve, but we did this year because my mom was inviting other people over for Christmas dinner. I was so excited to get a new digital camera. I've been wanting one for some time, but holding out because I didn't want to spend the money on it:) We both got some other great gifts. I love watching other people open gifts and taking pictures of them!
Christmas day we started off by opening our gifts to each other and then we took my wonderful cinnamon rolls over to Josh's parents' house. We opened gifts there with Josh's family and it was so much fun. At the Harris house, there are so many gifts and we hardly all fit in the room but I love that. I had such a great time hanging out with them and watching everyone open their gifts. I love that there are a lot of people in a small space enjoying each other. It's different than opening gifts at my parents' house. Not better, just different. I told my mother-in-law that I had such a great time with them. I know that God is helping to love Josh's family more and more. It's hard when you get married and then you have to share your time between two families or sometimes more. I told Josh a few weeks ago that if we have a baby next year I didn't want to go to each family's house and open gifts, but now I'm thinking twice about that. I want our child to experience two different "types" of Christmas. I say that now, but who knows, when we have a baby I may want to just stay home!
We've had so many people say to us that 2010 is going to be a year of growth for our family and I'm standing on that! I want to see my family grow. I want there to be a healthy baby with us next Christmas! I know and I pray that we will be blessed with a little Josh or Michelle in God's time. I know that ultimately He knows what is best for us. I've come to realize that His plan is definitely not always my plan, but I'm waiting on Him and leaning on Him. I remember praying when we first got married that He would place the desire to have children on my heart when the time was right for us. I have the desire to be a mom and I know that Josh has the desire to be a dad. I'm looking forward to 2010!
This year I was determined to create some traditions of our own. I wanted to make homemade cinnamon rolls, but they ended up being "semi-homemade". I used puff pastry instead of making my own dough. I didn't have much time Christmas Eve to get the dough taken care of. We went to church on Christmas Eve and then went to my parents' house to open gifts. We normally don't open gifts on Christmas Eve, but we did this year because my mom was inviting other people over for Christmas dinner. I was so excited to get a new digital camera. I've been wanting one for some time, but holding out because I didn't want to spend the money on it:) We both got some other great gifts. I love watching other people open gifts and taking pictures of them!
Christmas day we started off by opening our gifts to each other and then we took my wonderful cinnamon rolls over to Josh's parents' house. We opened gifts there with Josh's family and it was so much fun. At the Harris house, there are so many gifts and we hardly all fit in the room but I love that. I had such a great time hanging out with them and watching everyone open their gifts. I love that there are a lot of people in a small space enjoying each other. It's different than opening gifts at my parents' house. Not better, just different. I told my mother-in-law that I had such a great time with them. I know that God is helping to love Josh's family more and more. It's hard when you get married and then you have to share your time between two families or sometimes more. I told Josh a few weeks ago that if we have a baby next year I didn't want to go to each family's house and open gifts, but now I'm thinking twice about that. I want our child to experience two different "types" of Christmas. I say that now, but who knows, when we have a baby I may want to just stay home!
We've had so many people say to us that 2010 is going to be a year of growth for our family and I'm standing on that! I want to see my family grow. I want there to be a healthy baby with us next Christmas! I know and I pray that we will be blessed with a little Josh or Michelle in God's time. I know that ultimately He knows what is best for us. I've come to realize that His plan is definitely not always my plan, but I'm waiting on Him and leaning on Him. I remember praying when we first got married that He would place the desire to have children on my heart when the time was right for us. I have the desire to be a mom and I know that Josh has the desire to be a dad. I'm looking forward to 2010!
Friday, December 18, 2009
It's Almost Christmas
So, I'm very excited about Christmas. It is my favorite holiday and not just because there are presents, although I love presents:) I love the smells of Christmas, the baking of Christmas, spending time with family and time away from work. I'm most of all excited because my grandparents are coming to visit tomorrow. They are going to be here for 3 weeks and I just love that they are going to be here. I know they are in their 80s and so they are don't want to do as much stuff as we do but I love that they are coming to town. I know Josh isn't as excited as I am because we end up spending most of the time that they are here at my parent's house and he gets bored easily. We're going to make tamales when the grandparents get here and my grandma will make my favorite cake (vanilla wafer cake) and my not so favorite cake (fruit cake). I know, it seems to always revolve around food but you can't help that at Christmas time:)
This Christmas I've come to realize that I love my family more than I have ever loved them before. I know that going through a difficult time can bring everyone closer together. I pray every morning before I go to work and as I was praying this morning I found myself thanking the Lord for my wonderful husband. Now, I try to pray the Matthew 6:9-13 way (Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.....), but sometimes that's hard. I get a ahead of myself and start thanking in the beginning and asking for stuff right away. I know He hears our prayers no matter how we pray, but I try to pray the way He said to. Anyway, I know that this Christmas I love my husband more than I ever thought I would when we got married. He is the only man that could put up with me, other than God:) Out of all the men on the earth, God blessed me with Josh.
When we first started dating I knew in the back of my mind that he would be the one, but I didn't let myself actively think about that. He says he knew right away that he could see us spending forever together. Our romance was a whirlwind romance. We started dating in November and we got married the following July. That whole year preceding the November when we started dating, I had prayed that this would be the year that I would meet my soul mate and future husband. I had even told God that I didn't have to know he was the one by the end of the year, I just wanted to meet him and know that he was out there. I remember letting the dog out every night and looking up at the sky and praying that prayer. Of course I had to wait until almost the end of the year to meet Josh, but I prayed it every night and I reminded God that the year was coming to end:) The situation for us to start dating was all wrong. When we started liking each other and talking on the phone he was dating someone else and she was not a Christian. I remember one phone call, and I just knew that he was going to ask me if he should break up with his girlfriend. I told him that I couldn't answer that question. Of course my answer was to break up with her, but I couldn't tell him that. He ended up breaking up with her on a Wednesday and that next Monday we were together. I so did not want to be the re-bound girl, but I was. I also did not want to be the first one to say I love you, but I was. I thought my parents would be skeptical of our quick moving romance, but they weren't. They were so happy when he asked for my hand in marriage:)
Now here we are 3 1/2 years later. I thought I loved Josh so much back when we were dating, but I love him so much more now. I'm more in love with him than I ever thought I'd be. We've become accustomed to having in-laws, lived with a crazy roommate, had some crazy "heated arguments", lived in 3 different apartments, bought a car, bought a house, and shared so many wonderful experiences together. Josh has become a wonderful spiritual leader, he is there to support me, he has become more loving and he is not a very "touchy" person, I can see the growth in his relationship with Christ and that's probably most important. I know it's only going to get better and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Love ya sweet thang!
This Christmas I've come to realize that I love my family more than I have ever loved them before. I know that going through a difficult time can bring everyone closer together. I pray every morning before I go to work and as I was praying this morning I found myself thanking the Lord for my wonderful husband. Now, I try to pray the Matthew 6:9-13 way (Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.....), but sometimes that's hard. I get a ahead of myself and start thanking in the beginning and asking for stuff right away. I know He hears our prayers no matter how we pray, but I try to pray the way He said to. Anyway, I know that this Christmas I love my husband more than I ever thought I would when we got married. He is the only man that could put up with me, other than God:) Out of all the men on the earth, God blessed me with Josh.
When we first started dating I knew in the back of my mind that he would be the one, but I didn't let myself actively think about that. He says he knew right away that he could see us spending forever together. Our romance was a whirlwind romance. We started dating in November and we got married the following July. That whole year preceding the November when we started dating, I had prayed that this would be the year that I would meet my soul mate and future husband. I had even told God that I didn't have to know he was the one by the end of the year, I just wanted to meet him and know that he was out there. I remember letting the dog out every night and looking up at the sky and praying that prayer. Of course I had to wait until almost the end of the year to meet Josh, but I prayed it every night and I reminded God that the year was coming to end:) The situation for us to start dating was all wrong. When we started liking each other and talking on the phone he was dating someone else and she was not a Christian. I remember one phone call, and I just knew that he was going to ask me if he should break up with his girlfriend. I told him that I couldn't answer that question. Of course my answer was to break up with her, but I couldn't tell him that. He ended up breaking up with her on a Wednesday and that next Monday we were together. I so did not want to be the re-bound girl, but I was. I also did not want to be the first one to say I love you, but I was. I thought my parents would be skeptical of our quick moving romance, but they weren't. They were so happy when he asked for my hand in marriage:)
Now here we are 3 1/2 years later. I thought I loved Josh so much back when we were dating, but I love him so much more now. I'm more in love with him than I ever thought I'd be. We've become accustomed to having in-laws, lived with a crazy roommate, had some crazy "heated arguments", lived in 3 different apartments, bought a car, bought a house, and shared so many wonderful experiences together. Josh has become a wonderful spiritual leader, he is there to support me, he has become more loving and he is not a very "touchy" person, I can see the growth in his relationship with Christ and that's probably most important. I know it's only going to get better and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Love ya sweet thang!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Feeling a bit down today.....
Well, I'm going to try and not be too depressing but on the other hand I need to vent. Just a note to those who read this, it may be depressing and sad.....
Lately, well mostly today, I've been feeling sad. I know that it's totally normal to feel depressed and sad during the holiday season; Chrismas Blues or something. I normally am not sad at all at this time, which is why it's weird that I'm sad. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed though. I love all the Christmas songs, buying presents for loved ones, giving to the Salvation Army bell dinger, decorating the house, and all the great food that comes with Christmas. I love to look back at the year and see just how much God has blessed us and we are truly blessed, so it feels wrong to be sad. Not to mention that it feels like I have a huge lump in my throat and I feel like I might be getting sick.
We have a Christmas party that we're going to tomorrow and I love parties, I love baking for the parties and our neighbors:) I could sit and write a list of the reasons I have to be sad, but most of you would know why I might be feeling a bit down. I am staying strong in my faith and trusting that God has placed Josh and I where we are for a reason. He has blessed us with the house we have for a reason and placed us with the church family we have for a reason. He has allowed us to go through the most difficult time of our lives and our marriage for a reason and brought us through it with flying colors. Although the thought of being pregnant again scares me more than I ever thought it would, I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I've learned that all of the things I thought I was totally in control of are actually out of my hands completely. I've learned in a deeper way what it means to trust God. These are all good things and things that should make me happy, but I don't feel overly happy and believe me I'm trying.
My grandparents are coming into town next week, so I'm very excited to see them. I really wish we lived closer to my extended family. I would love to move back to Texas, but God would have to talk to Josh about that:) I would love to move to Portland to be near our friends, but we haven't heard from God on that. There are a few places I'd like to move, but I think the lesson I need to learn is to be content where I am. I'm continually amazed at the man God has blessed me with. Everyday, I find I'm more and more in love with him. So, I'll go where he goes and I know God will lead and direct him as the spiritual leader of our home and that makes me happy:)
Till next time.
Lately, well mostly today, I've been feeling sad. I know that it's totally normal to feel depressed and sad during the holiday season; Chrismas Blues or something. I normally am not sad at all at this time, which is why it's weird that I'm sad. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed though. I love all the Christmas songs, buying presents for loved ones, giving to the Salvation Army bell dinger, decorating the house, and all the great food that comes with Christmas. I love to look back at the year and see just how much God has blessed us and we are truly blessed, so it feels wrong to be sad. Not to mention that it feels like I have a huge lump in my throat and I feel like I might be getting sick.
We have a Christmas party that we're going to tomorrow and I love parties, I love baking for the parties and our neighbors:) I could sit and write a list of the reasons I have to be sad, but most of you would know why I might be feeling a bit down. I am staying strong in my faith and trusting that God has placed Josh and I where we are for a reason. He has blessed us with the house we have for a reason and placed us with the church family we have for a reason. He has allowed us to go through the most difficult time of our lives and our marriage for a reason and brought us through it with flying colors. Although the thought of being pregnant again scares me more than I ever thought it would, I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I've learned that all of the things I thought I was totally in control of are actually out of my hands completely. I've learned in a deeper way what it means to trust God. These are all good things and things that should make me happy, but I don't feel overly happy and believe me I'm trying.
My grandparents are coming into town next week, so I'm very excited to see them. I really wish we lived closer to my extended family. I would love to move back to Texas, but God would have to talk to Josh about that:) I would love to move to Portland to be near our friends, but we haven't heard from God on that. There are a few places I'd like to move, but I think the lesson I need to learn is to be content where I am. I'm continually amazed at the man God has blessed me with. Everyday, I find I'm more and more in love with him. So, I'll go where he goes and I know God will lead and direct him as the spiritual leader of our home and that makes me happy:)
Till next time.
Monday, November 30, 2009
My First Thanksgiving- cooking that is
I thought I should say a little something about my first Thanksgiving. By my first Thanksgiving I mean my first time cooking and entertaining the family. We originally were only going to cook the turkey, but because Josh's mom got sick we ended up cooking quite a bit. Overall it turned out pretty good. We had both families at our house and I was worried about Josh's 83 year old grandpa getting around and having a comfortable place to sit. There wasn't anything for me to worry about, everything turned out really good. There was one person who was invited and had quite the opinion on everything and just irritated me, but as long as I avoided this person and/or stayed positive I was fine. Josh grilled the turkey on the grill. He has a picture on his phone that I'll have to post. It was beautiful! I'm surprised that it fit on the grill because it was 23lbs. I think after this experience, that I'll give it a try again. It kinda helped that it was a last minute change and I wasn't able to think about it for weeks and try to figure everything out.
Josh was awesome! Can I just say that I have an amazing husband, he makes me so happy and when I'm feeling overwhelmed he says just the right thing to make me feel better. I love him so much and I've come to love him even more because of his support during our miscarriage. He has become such a wonderful spiritual leader in our home.
On a bit of a sad note, our friends Jake and Rachel are leaving tomorrow to move to Portland. I will miss them so much. They have helped Josh and I to feel so welcome in their home and we've grown so attached to them. I hate to see them go, but I know that God has called them to Portland and so they must go. I've been praying for our "Portland Friends" to have provision, wisdom, health, and direction in their new journey. I can't wait to hear all the wonderful things that God is going to do in their lives. I know Josh will really miss hanging out with Jake. I was kinda surprised how quickly they became friends, but I had been praying for great friends for Josh and I. I know that God will bring new great friends into our lives, but at the same time there is sadness as the Goras leave. We love you and will miss you Jake, Rachel, and Isreal. You mean so much to us and we have been so blessed by your friendship!
Josh was awesome! Can I just say that I have an amazing husband, he makes me so happy and when I'm feeling overwhelmed he says just the right thing to make me feel better. I love him so much and I've come to love him even more because of his support during our miscarriage. He has become such a wonderful spiritual leader in our home.
On a bit of a sad note, our friends Jake and Rachel are leaving tomorrow to move to Portland. I will miss them so much. They have helped Josh and I to feel so welcome in their home and we've grown so attached to them. I hate to see them go, but I know that God has called them to Portland and so they must go. I've been praying for our "Portland Friends" to have provision, wisdom, health, and direction in their new journey. I can't wait to hear all the wonderful things that God is going to do in their lives. I know Josh will really miss hanging out with Jake. I was kinda surprised how quickly they became friends, but I had been praying for great friends for Josh and I. I know that God will bring new great friends into our lives, but at the same time there is sadness as the Goras leave. We love you and will miss you Jake, Rachel, and Isreal. You mean so much to us and we have been so blessed by your friendship!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Giving Thanks
This year Thanksgiving was a bit rough as I'm sure you can imagine. I had a hard heart at first I guess you could say. All I was thinking was that this was supposed to be a happy time for us, a time to enjoy our families and be reminded that this would be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I was reminded a lot of our miscarriage this weekend. I love Thanksgiving and being with family, but at the same time it was hard. No one said anything about "it", but I know it was on their minds and hearts. My mom and I went shopping at Kohl's on black Friday and as we waited in an hour long line to check out we passed by the baby section ever so slowly. Normally, even if I wasn't pregnant, she would look lovingly at the small clothes and cute outfits and tell me what she would buy for "her baby". This time as we passed the baby section, she didn't say a word. I don't think she even looked at the clothes unless it was when I wasn't paying attention. I know we were both thinking how nice it would be to purchase baby items and look at the cute clothes knowing we'd be having a baby in June. God had different plans for us. Josh mentioned to me the other day that maybe we were allowed to be pregnant for that short time so we would know without a doubt that it was not time for us to go to Portland. If that was the case, I wish He would have found a better way to tell us but I know He ultimately has better things in store for us.
I've read many blogs and researched miscarriages a lot over the past few weeks. I've read about so many women and the hurt they go through. I remember reading about a woman who became very bitter when she would see other pregnant women or women with newborns. I had thought and prayed that I wouldn't be that way. When our friends Jake and Rachel first came over after our diagnosis I was nervous to see how I'd be with their new baby. As soon as I saw her I knew that I would never be bitter or jealous. She is such a sweet baby and I feel so special that I've been able to hold her and see her smile. In a way, I feel a sense of relief. I know that must sound awful, but I wonder if our baby would have been born with special needs or disabilities that would have been very difficult to handle. I wonder if maybe we just weren't ready. It's my heart's desire to not only be a mom but to be a stay-at-home mom and maybe things weren't going to work out for that to happen. I don't know the reason God has and honestly there is no reason that would have comforted me then. I'm amazed at how quickly I've been able to talk about it without crying and how good I feel. I'm absolutely scared for our next pregnancy but I'm open to the idea. From the beginning of my pregnancy I had told God that this child was His and I can't go back on that. I placed our little peanut in His hands and there's no better place for him to be. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am for all of the prayers, words of encouragement and sweet letters/e-mails we've received. I truly believe that it is because you all cared to much for us that we're able to get through this and be more than conquerers. I know God loves us and I'm placing my life in His hands.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thinking in a new way
It's funny how when you look through my posts it goes from complete excitement to despair. I wish I knew why God allowed things like this to happen. I'll make it a point to ask about it when I get there:) I'm having a D & C on Thursday. I'm incredibly thankful that this is happening. I feel like I'll be at a better place once this is completely done.
Today was the first day I could pray without my first words to God being why or how could you do this. I think this blogging is incredibly therapeutic. I know with each day it gets better, it gets a little easier, and hurts a little less. I'm wondering if I'm really recovering or if I'm just covering up. Being back at work has really helped. I don't want to be hiding my emotions but sometimes to get through the day you have to. Yesterday was my first day back and I only cried once during the work day. Today there were no tears until I got in the car and my mom started talking to me about how good God is. I know He's good, I know He's done more for me than I've ever deserved, just right now it's hard to take when someone else says it. I know, that may sound weird and even writing it looks weird but it's hard to take. All of our friends and family have been incredibly supportive and we are so blessed to have such a wonderful church family. Josh has been amazing throughout this situation. He's been so supportive, even when I wonder if he thinks I'm a crazy delirious mess.
It's good to know that we're on the mend I know that is by the grace of God. Here's to more new days!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Starting Over
I think I'm starting to feel better today. In fact I'm perfectly fine as long as I don't think or talk about "it". Josh is making me laugh, which I love:) Some wonderful friends came over and brought us lunch and chatted with us today. I'm doing laundry, I guess thats a good sign:)
We didn't go to church today. I'm not ready to see people and have them tell me they're praying for me. I know they are and reading their e-mails is so encouraging, but any time someone tells me they're praying for me I know why and it just makes me sad. I'm not ready to talk about it and I don't know if I ever will be. I feel better when Josh and I talk about it and I cry about it and then I'm ok. Maybe I just want to keep it as a private thing for now (other than this blog, the venting on the computer helps and maybe it will help someone else). Hopefully someday I'll be able to talk about this and be of help to some one else.
Josh has been AMAZING throughout this whole thing! He lets me cry and holds me and doesn't ask any questions or even talk to me. He just holds me and I think that is great. There's really not much to say, I've already said it all. You can only ask "why" so many times. He tells me how beautiful I am and what a wonderful woman I am and I can never hear that too many times. I'm so thankful for the wonderful man God has blessed me with.
This whole thing has been very hard to cope with, harder than I ever thought, harder than anything I've ever been through. It's very hard to not be angry with God, in fact I am very angry with God and I've shared my feelings with Him. My mom told me today not to be angry with God, but I really don't know how. I know, and every one says, that this all happens for a reason. I even said that to friends and family going through difficult situations. That phrase, "everything happens for a reason" is so not comforting. Maybe it will be comforting, but right now it's not. I know God has everything under control, but right now things feel totally out of control. I feel like God has walked away from me, now I know He hasn't but it sure feels that way. I've been praying for peace and telling God EVERYTHING! I've kept nothing from Him. Maybe that's something I needed to learn and never would have had this situation not happened. I know God is good and that He will give us the desires of our heart, someday.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Just an Update
So we went to the doctor and had an ultrasound today and there was no heartbeat. I guess there's not much to say. I know God has His way of working things out and I guess that's all I have to lean on, that and my husband.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
November 11 Update
So, I've been having a completely emotional week this week. I'm a complete wreck! Here's the breakdown:
Last Wednesday (the day we left for our mini vacay to Sedona)
We went to the doctor for the follow up ultrasound. The u/s tech said that the baby's heart rate was still lower than they like to see (92 bpm) and the baby had only grown 2 days worth of growth instead of 5. Josh was there with me and I was completely freaking out on the inside, but I didn't on the outside. I asked what a normal heart rate is and she said over 150. I was 6 weeks 5 days at the time. I saw the nurse practitioner after my u/s and she had nothing really encouraging to say. I broke down when she was talking to me about the possible loss of our peanut. They never really are optimistic I guess. Needless to say, I had a hard time in the beginning of our vacation. Josh helped me to get through it though. He's amazing!
This week Tuesday
I called the doctor's office for the results of my blood work that they took at my Wednesday appointment. The nurse told me "everything looks really good". My progesterone level was good, my "quants" were good. Later that evening I was at the grocery store and noticed I had a voice mail. It was the same nurse practitioner I saw last Wednesday. She said that she noticed I had called about my blood work and there may have been some confusion. My "quants" were not going up like they should be. She wanted to make sure I was feeling ok and to check and see if I was having any cramping or bleeding. I totally felt like she was saying, "well you should be having a miscarriage right about now and I was just checking" I was so incredibly frustrated with the entire situation!! I told God all about it and Josh and my mom on the way home. Sometimes I'm so thankful for the advances we have had in technology and sometimes it's the enemy. I wish the np wouldn't have called. I'm pretty much sure that I'm changing doctors. I just haven't felt comfortable with them since the baginning. There's nothing I can do to fix the levels, why tell me there might be something wrong with your pregnancy but we're not sure?
This situation has completely taught me more about trusting God. Just when I think I've got the whole trusting in God thing down, He stretches me. It's not a comfortable stretch, but I know it's good. I had another breakdown in the car on the way home yesterday. I wish I knew why God allowed these things to happen. Ever since I got married I had prayed for a healthy complication free pregnancy and it's started with complications. I know God has His reasons and I know that I'll come out of this a stronger Christian. At the same time, I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of bad news, I'm just tired I suppose.
So, we're believing for a strong heartbeat on Friday of 150 or more. We're believing for a growing baby, a growing baby that shocks the u/s tech and the nurse practitioner. It's all in God's hands and all I can do is stop trying to take it out of His hands and relax and enjoy this time with my baby and husband:) Believe me, I know how good God is. He amazes me everyday!
Last Wednesday (the day we left for our mini vacay to Sedona)
We went to the doctor for the follow up ultrasound. The u/s tech said that the baby's heart rate was still lower than they like to see (92 bpm) and the baby had only grown 2 days worth of growth instead of 5. Josh was there with me and I was completely freaking out on the inside, but I didn't on the outside. I asked what a normal heart rate is and she said over 150. I was 6 weeks 5 days at the time. I saw the nurse practitioner after my u/s and she had nothing really encouraging to say. I broke down when she was talking to me about the possible loss of our peanut. They never really are optimistic I guess. Needless to say, I had a hard time in the beginning of our vacation. Josh helped me to get through it though. He's amazing!
This week Tuesday
I called the doctor's office for the results of my blood work that they took at my Wednesday appointment. The nurse told me "everything looks really good". My progesterone level was good, my "quants" were good. Later that evening I was at the grocery store and noticed I had a voice mail. It was the same nurse practitioner I saw last Wednesday. She said that she noticed I had called about my blood work and there may have been some confusion. My "quants" were not going up like they should be. She wanted to make sure I was feeling ok and to check and see if I was having any cramping or bleeding. I totally felt like she was saying, "well you should be having a miscarriage right about now and I was just checking" I was so incredibly frustrated with the entire situation!! I told God all about it and Josh and my mom on the way home. Sometimes I'm so thankful for the advances we have had in technology and sometimes it's the enemy. I wish the np wouldn't have called. I'm pretty much sure that I'm changing doctors. I just haven't felt comfortable with them since the baginning. There's nothing I can do to fix the levels, why tell me there might be something wrong with your pregnancy but we're not sure?
This situation has completely taught me more about trusting God. Just when I think I've got the whole trusting in God thing down, He stretches me. It's not a comfortable stretch, but I know it's good. I had another breakdown in the car on the way home yesterday. I wish I knew why God allowed these things to happen. Ever since I got married I had prayed for a healthy complication free pregnancy and it's started with complications. I know God has His reasons and I know that I'll come out of this a stronger Christian. At the same time, I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of bad news, I'm just tired I suppose.
So, we're believing for a strong heartbeat on Friday of 150 or more. We're believing for a growing baby, a growing baby that shocks the u/s tech and the nurse practitioner. It's all in God's hands and all I can do is stop trying to take it out of His hands and relax and enjoy this time with my baby and husband:) Believe me, I know how good God is. He amazes me everyday!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
We did it!!
Well, it's official. Josh and I are going to have a baby!! There's a great story that I have to tell to go with this wonderful news.
We went over to our friends' house the end of September for a birthday party. My friend Tracey and I were chatting and she told me that she had a dream about me. When someone says that it definitely has you wondering. I had no idea what she was about to say. She said that she had a dream and saw me crying in a baby's room. When she said that my heart sank because I didn't know what that meant. Then Tracey asked me if Josh and I were trying to have a baby. We hadn't told anyone that we were trying (or not not trying), so this was absolutely a God thing. I told her that we sort of were. She then said to me something I will never forget, "I just want you to know that God hears you and He will give you the desires of your heart". I went home that night and just cried because I was so grateful to know that God hears me. When someone says something like that to you, it's the best feeling in the world. I know that God hears me all the time, but for someone to know the situation I was in and to have the boldness to tell me is simply awesome! No one has ever told me something like that before. I knew this was genuine.
When I first went off the pill I thought I'd get pregnant right away, but that didn't happen. Each month I wasn't pregnant was a little devastating even though we weren't "trying". I finally took matters into my own hands and bought a basal thermometer and I was going to monitor my temp. to see when I was ovulating. I took my temp. the first day then I thought, we're going to have a baby when God says we are. Keeping track of my temp. isn't going to help anything. I released everything to God that morning. It was a great feeling! That same month, the month of releasing, the month I received the message from God (via Tracey), we got pregnant!
I went to the doctor last Friday and they did some blood work and my progesterone was a little low so they prescribed a supplement. I was a wreck when they told me this. The fear of miscarriage has been in the back of my mind since we got pregnant. I have to keep telling myself to take captive EVERY thought. Even as I write this and share my testimony, I know that God is good and he has blessed us with the sweet little pumpkin of a baby. I know He will provide and keep the baby and I healthy and safe. I've been telling everyone that will listen my story. We are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony!
We went over to our friends' house the end of September for a birthday party. My friend Tracey and I were chatting and she told me that she had a dream about me. When someone says that it definitely has you wondering. I had no idea what she was about to say. She said that she had a dream and saw me crying in a baby's room. When she said that my heart sank because I didn't know what that meant. Then Tracey asked me if Josh and I were trying to have a baby. We hadn't told anyone that we were trying (or not not trying), so this was absolutely a God thing. I told her that we sort of were. She then said to me something I will never forget, "I just want you to know that God hears you and He will give you the desires of your heart". I went home that night and just cried because I was so grateful to know that God hears me. When someone says something like that to you, it's the best feeling in the world. I know that God hears me all the time, but for someone to know the situation I was in and to have the boldness to tell me is simply awesome! No one has ever told me something like that before. I knew this was genuine.
When I first went off the pill I thought I'd get pregnant right away, but that didn't happen. Each month I wasn't pregnant was a little devastating even though we weren't "trying". I finally took matters into my own hands and bought a basal thermometer and I was going to monitor my temp. to see when I was ovulating. I took my temp. the first day then I thought, we're going to have a baby when God says we are. Keeping track of my temp. isn't going to help anything. I released everything to God that morning. It was a great feeling! That same month, the month of releasing, the month I received the message from God (via Tracey), we got pregnant!
I went to the doctor last Friday and they did some blood work and my progesterone was a little low so they prescribed a supplement. I was a wreck when they told me this. The fear of miscarriage has been in the back of my mind since we got pregnant. I have to keep telling myself to take captive EVERY thought. Even as I write this and share my testimony, I know that God is good and he has blessed us with the sweet little pumpkin of a baby. I know He will provide and keep the baby and I healthy and safe. I've been telling everyone that will listen my story. We are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Goodbye Segers:(
So today my friends, the Segers, left for their journey to Portland. They had felt for some time that they were called to do a church plant, but today is the day the left to actually do it. While I am so very excited for them and for all that God is going to do, I so wish we could have had more time with them. I finally had to log off Facebook so it would stop reminding me of them leaving. I'm having a SUPER hard time with this. There's moments where I'm perfectly fine, but then I lose it. It's everything I can do to not be a puddle of tears at my desk (it doesn't help that my Pandora keeps playing sad and weepy songs)! Now when they read this I don't want them to feel bad, but I want them to know that they have made an impact on our lives that we were never prepared for. They became some of our best friends in a matter of months, weeks probably. We never expected to make such wonderful friends so quickly at a new church where we knew very few people.
I might have already said this, but Josh and I had been praying for good "couple" friends and just good friends in general when we left our last church. God has blessed us with some wonderful friends since being at DSC and the few that we are closest to are moving to Portland. I guess that means we gotta go too, huh? We're ready and willing when God leads us! Even though I wasn't ready to say good-bye I know that God has placed this wonderful family in our lives for this season and now it's time for them to move on. I so wish we could "move on" with them and when/if God leads us we will go. We're praying for safety, provision in every way, wisdom, direction, health and anything else they need. God has truly blessed the city of Portland!! We love you Segers!!
I might have already said this, but Josh and I had been praying for good "couple" friends and just good friends in general when we left our last church. God has blessed us with some wonderful friends since being at DSC and the few that we are closest to are moving to Portland. I guess that means we gotta go too, huh? We're ready and willing when God leads us! Even though I wasn't ready to say good-bye I know that God has placed this wonderful family in our lives for this season and now it's time for them to move on. I so wish we could "move on" with them and when/if God leads us we will go. We're praying for safety, provision in every way, wisdom, direction, health and anything else they need. God has truly blessed the city of Portland!! We love you Segers!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Facebook Update
So this week my Facebook update was
"Just when I think I can grasp how good God is He goes and does something amazing and I'm left in awe...."
I really have no other way to describe how good God is! He is awesome and loves me so much; more than I can fathom. Who deserves a love like that? We do!!
My husband and I are on for worship team this week and I've been listening to the songs at work and even though I'm working I'm brought to tears when I sing along to the songs. The Desert Song has really been getting me today.
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I'll so
I have a reason to worship
The part about "in every season" has really ministered to me. No matter where in life I am, married, single, a parent, empty nesting, God is still God. We face trials everyday. There are so many things that come against us, but we need to place our hope and our faith in God. I know, it's so much easier said than done. Believe me I'm writing to myself:)
"Just when I think I can grasp how good God is He goes and does something amazing and I'm left in awe...."
I really have no other way to describe how good God is! He is awesome and loves me so much; more than I can fathom. Who deserves a love like that? We do!!
My husband and I are on for worship team this week and I've been listening to the songs at work and even though I'm working I'm brought to tears when I sing along to the songs. The Desert Song has really been getting me today.
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I'll so
I have a reason to worship
The part about "in every season" has really ministered to me. No matter where in life I am, married, single, a parent, empty nesting, God is still God. We face trials everyday. There are so many things that come against us, but we need to place our hope and our faith in God. I know, it's so much easier said than done. Believe me I'm writing to myself:)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Selfish.....
After this weekend I totally admit that I need to work on being less selfish. I have always struggled with this, even as a child. I know, most children are selfish but it never wore off and I'm now a selfish adult. When Josh and I first got married I used to tell people that I didn't want to have children just yet because I'm too selfish. It's terrible! My husband is so not selfish. If anyone asked him to do something, and it was within his power to do it, he would. Maybe that's why God put us together.
Situation #1-
My MIL calls Josh and tells her about her computer and her friend's computer having a virus. For whatever reason they did not have active anti-virus software on their computer. First of all, I often get irritated when my MIL calls Josh- period. I don't know why, I do know that it has to be the devil encouraging me to get irritated. She rarely calls because she needs something, but when she does I can't stand it! I have to literally pray out loud to myself to keep from getting irate. I know I'm being selfish in this situation. I want Josh all to myself and if his mom would just stop needing him that would be great! I feel like, she has a husband, can't he help her? I know Josh knows more about computers and they probably can't take care of it on their own. I pray that God would help me to love my husband's family like He loves them. They always feel like the "others" to me. I feel like they will never be really be MY family. My MIL never calls me to talk to me and I know I could and probably should call her, but it would just be nice for her to be the one to reach out. We live about 17 miles away from them and we see them maybe once a month. I told Josh the other day, I wondered why his parents never invite us over for dinner or to do something with them. I know we're busy and it's hard to fit things in our schedule, but I would love to spend more time with them. I think I need it to get over my "others" feeling.
Situation #2
We started going to Desert Springs Church about a year ago and have since made some wonderful friends. There's about 5 people in particular that we have connected with and we found out a few months ago that they are ALL moving to Portland. Here's the selfish part; I wish they wouldn't go so they could stay here and keep being friends with us we could still hang out all the time. I know they have been called to Portland so it's hard to pray, "Lord please don't let them move and please let them stay right here with ME"! Initially we wanted to feel called to Portland too, but God has said no at least for now. Part of me wants to spend as much time as possible with them because I want to soak up as much as possible while they are here and part of me is preparing myself for when they leave. Before we even started going to DSC we had been praying for some great Christian friends. Josh had friends and I had friends, but we didn't have friends together. I just love these wonderful people! They have helped me to become more selfLESS. I know I will be sad when they leave, but I also know that they are only doing what God has called them to do. I now pray for them to have provision in every area, whether it's a job, housing, church location or anything else they may need. I not only want them to succeed, I want them to flourish! They have been such a blessing to Josh and I and I know they will be a blessing to so many other people.
So, the whole point of this posting is that God has really been working with me becoming less selfish and more selfless. It's a daily and sometimes hourly process, but I'm making it!
Situation #1-
My MIL calls Josh and tells her about her computer and her friend's computer having a virus. For whatever reason they did not have active anti-virus software on their computer. First of all, I often get irritated when my MIL calls Josh- period. I don't know why, I do know that it has to be the devil encouraging me to get irritated. She rarely calls because she needs something, but when she does I can't stand it! I have to literally pray out loud to myself to keep from getting irate. I know I'm being selfish in this situation. I want Josh all to myself and if his mom would just stop needing him that would be great! I feel like, she has a husband, can't he help her? I know Josh knows more about computers and they probably can't take care of it on their own. I pray that God would help me to love my husband's family like He loves them. They always feel like the "others" to me. I feel like they will never be really be MY family. My MIL never calls me to talk to me and I know I could and probably should call her, but it would just be nice for her to be the one to reach out. We live about 17 miles away from them and we see them maybe once a month. I told Josh the other day, I wondered why his parents never invite us over for dinner or to do something with them. I know we're busy and it's hard to fit things in our schedule, but I would love to spend more time with them. I think I need it to get over my "others" feeling.
Situation #2
We started going to Desert Springs Church about a year ago and have since made some wonderful friends. There's about 5 people in particular that we have connected with and we found out a few months ago that they are ALL moving to Portland. Here's the selfish part; I wish they wouldn't go so they could stay here and keep being friends with us we could still hang out all the time. I know they have been called to Portland so it's hard to pray, "Lord please don't let them move and please let them stay right here with ME"! Initially we wanted to feel called to Portland too, but God has said no at least for now. Part of me wants to spend as much time as possible with them because I want to soak up as much as possible while they are here and part of me is preparing myself for when they leave. Before we even started going to DSC we had been praying for some great Christian friends. Josh had friends and I had friends, but we didn't have friends together. I just love these wonderful people! They have helped me to become more selfLESS. I know I will be sad when they leave, but I also know that they are only doing what God has called them to do. I now pray for them to have provision in every area, whether it's a job, housing, church location or anything else they may need. I not only want them to succeed, I want them to flourish! They have been such a blessing to Josh and I and I know they will be a blessing to so many other people.
So, the whole point of this posting is that God has really been working with me becoming less selfish and more selfless. It's a daily and sometimes hourly process, but I'm making it!
Monday, September 14, 2009
One of those Days.....
So, this weekend I was having one of those days. I woke up in a bad mood both Saturday and Sunday. Now, I wasn't in a bad mood with everyone just one person in particular. Yep, you guessed it- Josh. I know, poor Josh had to put up with one of my crazy mood swings, nothing could please me, if he spoke I cried days. And on top of all of that, it wasn't just one day; it was Saturday AND Sunday. By Sunday evening we were much better (being in God's house probably helped). I hate when I'm like that. I never realize when I'm in the midst of a crazy lady day just how ridiculous I'm being, but after a few days when I look back I can see how silly I was. I have to ask Josh for forgiveness and do you know how much I hate that???? I never thought I'd have to ask him to forgive me, but we were in this marriage class the first few years of our marriage and the teacher said that we occassionally have to ask each other for forgiveness. I could ask anyone else to forgive me, but there is something about asking your spouse to forgive you. It's tough!!! Have you ever been there? Lately, my desire to have children has increased 100%. Initially, I just felt like we'll wait on God and see how things go. I can't even get three months into this whole trying to get pregnant thing before I'm like some crazy lady who desperately wants a baby. Now, each month when we find out we're not pregnant I feel devastated yet there's a little bit of relief. It's weird how I want a baby so badly, but then I'm a little relieved when I'm not pregnant. I know, I said earlier that I was a bit crazy:) Anyway, I start thinking about all that will change when we have a baby. We will never be the same. I know that with children come many blessings and I'm so excited and anticipating the day when we have a child, but at the same time I wonder if I'm really ready. What if Josh and I are sucky parents, what if we totally ruin our child, will I feel differently about Josh and will he feel differently about me? I get so fussy when I don't get enough sleep, will I be a wreck with a brand new baby??? There are so many questions!
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