Redeeming Love

Have any of you read this book? It is amazing!! It's a book about a beautiful girl (Angel), who from a child, has a rough life. Her father is a man married to another women, other than her mother. Her mother ends up in prostitution and so does Angel. Michael Hosea sees her and God tells him that she's the woman for him to marry. I know he never thought he'd marry a prostitute. The book is about their lives, and their struggles and how God speaks to them. At one point in the book Angel leaves Michael and he prays and prays for her. God was teaching him about faith. I know this book is a sort of Christian Romance book, but that chapter where Michael was struggling with faith really spoke to me. I know Michael wanted to go after Angel, but God wanted Michael to trust Him. Michael wanted Angel to be there with him, but he knew that God was going to do something wonderful in Angel's life that otherwise would not have happened had she stayed with Michael.

This week has been a rough week with faith. There are some days where I have great faith, even bigger than a mustard seed. Then there are other days where I can't even find faith like dust (I'm not sure what is smaller than a mustard seed, but you get the idea). I've been praying for some very specific, very big things to happen this year. I know I serve a big God and He can do anything, even things that seem impossible. The hard part is not interfering with what He wants to do. I like to be in control, I like to be prepared and have a plan. Sometimes God wants to get me out of my box and experiment with new things like trying His plan instead of mine. The things I'm praying for this year are things that I have no control over. I can't force financial blessing on Josh's career, I can't force healthy pregnancies to happen for my cousin, my co-worker and myself. I know that God is really teaching me so many things right now. I had felt like everything was great, I loved the Lord, my family, and my husband. It seems like just when you start to feel comfortable, just when things are going great, God goes and stretches me. I know it's something that has to be done and I know I'll trust and love Him more at the end of this. The stretching just hurts sometimes, it's uncomfortable and sometimes I just want it to be over.

So if any of you are going through "stretching" please know you're not alone and it gets better. There are going to be bad days, but just think of the results at the end. It's like working out. I go to the gym just about every day and although I don't like it, I like the way I feel when I'm done. When I don't go I feel guilty and not strong. It's a love/hate thing:)

We're Homeowners......

Okay, so we just got the keys to our house yesterday. My husband took the day off, so he could do some work and when I got off work I started taping off the trim so we could do some painting. I know that I should be excited about having our very own house, but I'm not. I feel incredibly blessed to have our own house, but there are so many other emotions I'm feeling. I'm anxious about making the mortgage payment, all the extra bills we'll have, all the stuff we have to buy for the house, and the list goes on. I know God has blessed us with this house, at this time for a reason. He has more than provided for us, I have no reason to be concerned or worried. I feel like just when I get to a point of complete trust in God, he stretches/pushes me for more. It's like He is saying, I don't want you to get too comfortable so I'm going to push you a little more. I don't want to be pushed, I like things just the way they are. The problem is that I keep praying for the Lord to increase my faith in Him. I want to know that no matter what, I will trust Him and lean on His promises. I used to look around our little 800 sq. ft. apartment and think we were so blessed, now we have a house and I can see even more blessing. God is so good, better than I know or deserve. Just 4 years ago, I didn't even know Josh, I was living at home, not really sure of where my life was going. I have come so far in such a relatively small amount of time. I'm so excited to see where the next 4 years takes us.

After writing this, I'm feeling more excited about the house. I think I just needed to put my feelings on paper (so to speak). Just putting it out there has made me feel better.