Redeeming Love

Have any of you read this book? It is amazing!! It's a book about a beautiful girl (Angel), who from a child, has a rough life. Her father is a man married to another women, other than her mother. Her mother ends up in prostitution and so does Angel. Michael Hosea sees her and God tells him that she's the woman for him to marry. I know he never thought he'd marry a prostitute. The book is about their lives, and their struggles and how God speaks to them. At one point in the book Angel leaves Michael and he prays and prays for her. God was teaching him about faith. I know this book is a sort of Christian Romance book, but that chapter where Michael was struggling with faith really spoke to me. I know Michael wanted to go after Angel, but God wanted Michael to trust Him. Michael wanted Angel to be there with him, but he knew that God was going to do something wonderful in Angel's life that otherwise would not have happened had she stayed with Michael.

This week has been a rough week with faith. There are some days where I have great faith, even bigger than a mustard seed. Then there are other days where I can't even find faith like dust (I'm not sure what is smaller than a mustard seed, but you get the idea). I've been praying for some very specific, very big things to happen this year. I know I serve a big God and He can do anything, even things that seem impossible. The hard part is not interfering with what He wants to do. I like to be in control, I like to be prepared and have a plan. Sometimes God wants to get me out of my box and experiment with new things like trying His plan instead of mine. The things I'm praying for this year are things that I have no control over. I can't force financial blessing on Josh's career, I can't force healthy pregnancies to happen for my cousin, my co-worker and myself. I know that God is really teaching me so many things right now. I had felt like everything was great, I loved the Lord, my family, and my husband. It seems like just when you start to feel comfortable, just when things are going great, God goes and stretches me. I know it's something that has to be done and I know I'll trust and love Him more at the end of this. The stretching just hurts sometimes, it's uncomfortable and sometimes I just want it to be over.

So if any of you are going through "stretching" please know you're not alone and it gets better. There are going to be bad days, but just think of the results at the end. It's like working out. I go to the gym just about every day and although I don't like it, I like the way I feel when I'm done. When I don't go I feel guilty and not strong. It's a love/hate thing:)

Month One is a Bust....

So, my intuition about getting pregnant in month one is a bust. Maybe it was just my incredible desire to have a baby that got the best of me. We'll just keep trying I guess. We have a vacation planned to Texas in August. It's a family vacation, so we might be waiting until month 3:)

In other, more exciting news we did the walk through on our house last Friday. Josh was sick, but he made it through without vomiting. We signed all of the papers, so now we're just waiting to get the keys later this week. This house has been our dreams turned reality. We have wanted a house since before we were married. Josh has lived in the same little house since he was born, then we lived in an apartment after we got married up until now. Sometimes, I can't believe that God sees us as worthy of all this blessing. He is so good and is so much better to Josh and I than we deserve. I've had to place all my worries, frustrations, and desires in His hands and although I take them back and hold them for myself sometimes; He is always there to take them back when I'm ready. Everyday and sometimes more than once a day I have to give God everything. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, struggle:)

We have some great friends who are moving to Portland in a few months and Josh and I have thought and prayed about going with them. I would love a change of scenery, and to be away from our family. Please don't get me wrong. I love our families dearly, but until you have children no one considers us a family of our own. It would be nice to establish traditions of our own, but I know I would miss my parents dearly if we were away from them. I have told Josh, that if he says we go, then we go. It does seem a bit ironic that we've become such good friends with people who are moving. I wonder if that is a sign:) I'll do what he thinks is best for us. He is the spiritual leader of our home and I trust that God speaks to him; I pray he does. So, we'll see what the future holds for us, especially since we're just moving into our house. I'll have pictures up soon.

Bible Study

So, I went to my regular Tuesday night Bible Study last night. I have to admit that I was beginning to feel like this Bible Study wasn't for me. It was a little discouraging because everyone else would say how much they loved it and I was like, really? Well last night was for me. Kay Arthur was speaking and she really hit home. I know we all sin and we all ask forgiveness, but I sometimes don't realize what I'm doing is sin. For example, obviously lying is sin. Would you consider not trusting God as sin? I would have said it wasn't sit before last night, but Kay Arthur said that not having faith in God is sin. I sort of cringed when she said that. That really hit home. I've been struggling with faith for years. It's something I've never felt like I've mastered. I don't know if you ever do, but I know God has been trying to speak to me about having complete faith in Him, even when I don't understand what is going on.

I got home and told my husband about all I had learned and he too was a little surprised at what I had learned. Who thinks of sin like that? We all know murder, stealing, lying, etc. are sins, but not having faith? And then to top it all off Kay says that when we sin, we despise God and His Word. WOAH! I don't know what I signed up for, but it was not this:) This just gives a whole new look to what sin looks like to me. It was definitely a wake up call and I haven't had one of those in a while.