Selfish.....

After this weekend I totally admit that I need to work on being less selfish. I have always struggled with this, even as a child. I know, most children are selfish but it never wore off and I'm now a selfish adult. When Josh and I first got married I used to tell people that I didn't want to have children just yet because I'm too selfish. It's terrible! My husband is so not selfish. If anyone asked him to do something, and it was within his power to do it, he would. Maybe that's why God put us together.

Situation #1-
My MIL calls Josh and tells her about her computer and her friend's computer having a virus. For whatever reason they did not have active anti-virus software on their computer. First of all, I often get irritated when my MIL calls Josh- period. I don't know why, I do know that it has to be the devil encouraging me to get irritated. She rarely calls because she needs something, but when she does I can't stand it! I have to literally pray out loud to myself to keep from getting irate. I know I'm being selfish in this situation. I want Josh all to myself and if his mom would just stop needing him that would be great! I feel like, she has a husband, can't he help her? I know Josh knows more about computers and they probably can't take care of it on their own. I pray that God would help me to love my husband's family like He loves them. They always feel like the "others" to me. I feel like they will never be really be MY family. My MIL never calls me to talk to me and I know I could and probably should call her, but it would just be nice for her to be the one to reach out. We live about 17 miles away from them and we see them maybe once a month. I told Josh the other day, I wondered why his parents never invite us over for dinner or to do something with them. I know we're busy and it's hard to fit things in our schedule, but I would love to spend more time with them. I think I need it to get over my "others" feeling.

Situation #2
We started going to Desert Springs Church about a year ago and have since made some wonderful friends. There's about 5 people in particular that we have connected with and we found out a few months ago that they are ALL moving to Portland. Here's the selfish part; I wish they wouldn't go so they could stay here and keep being friends with us we could still hang out all the time. I know they have been called to Portland so it's hard to pray, "Lord please don't let them move and please let them stay right here with ME"! Initially we wanted to feel called to Portland too, but God has said no at least for now. Part of me wants to spend as much time as possible with them because I want to soak up as much as possible while they are here and part of me is preparing myself for when they leave. Before we even started going to DSC we had been praying for some great Christian friends. Josh had friends and I had friends, but we didn't have friends together. I just love these wonderful people! They have helped me to become more selfLESS. I know I will be sad when they leave, but I also know that they are only doing what God has called them to do. I now pray for them to have provision in every area, whether it's a job, housing, church location or anything else they may need. I not only want them to succeed, I want them to flourish! They have been such a blessing to Josh and I and I know they will be a blessing to so many other people.

So, the whole point of this posting is that God has really been working with me becoming less selfish and more selfless. It's a daily and sometimes hourly process, but I'm making it!

One of those Days.....

So, this weekend I was having one of those days. I woke up in a bad mood both Saturday and Sunday. Now, I wasn't in a bad mood with everyone just one person in particular. Yep, you guessed it- Josh. I know, poor Josh had to put up with one of my crazy mood swings, nothing could please me, if he spoke I cried days. And on top of all of that, it wasn't just one day; it was Saturday AND Sunday. By Sunday evening we were much better (being in God's house probably helped). I hate when I'm like that. I never realize when I'm in the midst of a crazy lady day just how ridiculous I'm being, but after a few days when I look back I can see how silly I was. I have to ask Josh for forgiveness and do you know how much I hate that???? I never thought I'd have to ask him to forgive me, but we were in this marriage class the first few years of our marriage and the teacher said that we occassionally have to ask each other for forgiveness. I could ask anyone else to forgive me, but there is something about asking your spouse to forgive you. It's tough!!! Have you ever been there? Lately, my desire to have children has increased 100%. Initially, I just felt like we'll wait on God and see how things go. I can't even get three months into this whole trying to get pregnant thing before I'm like some crazy lady who desperately wants a baby. Now, each month when we find out we're not pregnant I feel devastated yet there's a little bit of relief. It's weird how I want a baby so badly, but then I'm a little relieved when I'm not pregnant. I know, I said earlier that I was a bit crazy:) Anyway, I start thinking about all that will change when we have a baby. We will never be the same. I know that with children come many blessings and I'm so excited and anticipating the day when we have a child, but at the same time I wonder if I'm really ready. What if Josh and I are sucky parents, what if we totally ruin our child, will I feel differently about Josh and will he feel differently about me? I get so fussy when I don't get enough sleep, will I be a wreck with a brand new baby??? There are so many questions!