We're Homeowners......

Okay, so we just got the keys to our house yesterday. My husband took the day off, so he could do some work and when I got off work I started taping off the trim so we could do some painting. I know that I should be excited about having our very own house, but I'm not. I feel incredibly blessed to have our own house, but there are so many other emotions I'm feeling. I'm anxious about making the mortgage payment, all the extra bills we'll have, all the stuff we have to buy for the house, and the list goes on. I know God has blessed us with this house, at this time for a reason. He has more than provided for us, I have no reason to be concerned or worried. I feel like just when I get to a point of complete trust in God, he stretches/pushes me for more. It's like He is saying, I don't want you to get too comfortable so I'm going to push you a little more. I don't want to be pushed, I like things just the way they are. The problem is that I keep praying for the Lord to increase my faith in Him. I want to know that no matter what, I will trust Him and lean on His promises. I used to look around our little 800 sq. ft. apartment and think we were so blessed, now we have a house and I can see even more blessing. God is so good, better than I know or deserve. Just 4 years ago, I didn't even know Josh, I was living at home, not really sure of where my life was going. I have come so far in such a relatively small amount of time. I'm so excited to see where the next 4 years takes us.

After writing this, I'm feeling more excited about the house. I think I just needed to put my feelings on paper (so to speak). Just putting it out there has made me feel better.

Month One is a Bust....

So, my intuition about getting pregnant in month one is a bust. Maybe it was just my incredible desire to have a baby that got the best of me. We'll just keep trying I guess. We have a vacation planned to Texas in August. It's a family vacation, so we might be waiting until month 3:)

In other, more exciting news we did the walk through on our house last Friday. Josh was sick, but he made it through without vomiting. We signed all of the papers, so now we're just waiting to get the keys later this week. This house has been our dreams turned reality. We have wanted a house since before we were married. Josh has lived in the same little house since he was born, then we lived in an apartment after we got married up until now. Sometimes, I can't believe that God sees us as worthy of all this blessing. He is so good and is so much better to Josh and I than we deserve. I've had to place all my worries, frustrations, and desires in His hands and although I take them back and hold them for myself sometimes; He is always there to take them back when I'm ready. Everyday and sometimes more than once a day I have to give God everything. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, struggle:)

We have some great friends who are moving to Portland in a few months and Josh and I have thought and prayed about going with them. I would love a change of scenery, and to be away from our family. Please don't get me wrong. I love our families dearly, but until you have children no one considers us a family of our own. It would be nice to establish traditions of our own, but I know I would miss my parents dearly if we were away from them. I have told Josh, that if he says we go, then we go. It does seem a bit ironic that we've become such good friends with people who are moving. I wonder if that is a sign:) I'll do what he thinks is best for us. He is the spiritual leader of our home and I trust that God speaks to him; I pray he does. So, we'll see what the future holds for us, especially since we're just moving into our house. I'll have pictures up soon.

Baby Making:)

Well, this is my first month not on birth control for about 4 years. I was kinda worried that I might be different somehow. My husband has only know me on these make me crazy pills. Lately I had been feeling like I was completely out of control with my emotions. Josh could say just about anything and I would find a reason to cry or have my feelings hurt in some way. I really was out of control. I had been praying that God would help me to have self control (a fruit of the spirit, so I should have it) so I could put my emotions in check. I would have a day or two where, if I really concentrated, my emotions would be under my control but then I would slide back down again to complete crazy. I know being emotional is a woman thing, but this was out of hand. I was also feeling like it was time to have a baby, so it all worked out for me to not be on these pills. I know some women can be on these pills for years and have no problems, but it just wasn't working for me.
I went to the doctor and got the all clear for baby making! Josh is a bit apprehensive and he says he doesn't want us to TRY to have a baby, just to let it happen when it happens. While I know that all of this is entirely in God's hands, how am I supposed to not TRY? We'll see. I definitely feel so much better, not being on the pill. I feel like if I'm upset about something, I could choose not to cry. I am feeling pretty tired, but I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the pill or not.
I've been so intrigued by my blogger friends with infertility woes. Everything about it is so interesting to me. I pray that I don't have to go through that, but I also pray that they would have strength and peace to make it through this difficult time. I really felt like I would get pregnant the first month off the pill and while that can still happen, I'm beginning to doubt that. I know God will bless us with a little one at the perfect time, but I pray it is soon. I'm hoping Josh will have a change of heart and actually want us to TRY and have a baby. I know it's more fun to not try really. I guess I'll find out next week if my first month feeling was right or not.

We've made it 3 years!!

So yesterday was my 3rd wedding anniversary with Josh. We had a wonderful evening. I had been thinking (because Josh led me to) that we were just going to a nice restaurant and Josh forgot to make reservations at the Melting Pot. I really wanted to go to the Melting Pot, because I had heard such great things about it. He wouldn't tell me where we were going as we were driving. I had never been to the Melting Pot so I didn't even know where it was really. I was so very excited when we drove up and I saw the sign! There were flowers at our table and a sweet anniversary card. We had a great dinner, although we were there 3 hours. The food was delicious, especially the chocolate:) I'll have to put some pictures up on here, as soon as I figure out how:)

Looking back on our 3 years, I realize that I've come to love Josh more and more. I love him more than when we got married. I've come to see what an amazing man he is, and I can see that he's going to be a great father someday. Now that we are starting year 4 of our marriage, it's exciting to see where we'll be. We lived in 3 apartments so far, and now we're purchasing a house. We've purchased 2 cars. God has just blessed us in every aspect of our lives. Just when I think that things are totally messed up and going down hill, He helps me to see that He is in control. It's kind of a hard lesson to learn, but a necessary one. I'm so excited to see what is in store for us in the future.

A Great Weekend

Josh and I had a great 4th of July weekend. We went over to a friends' house and played games. We met Becky and Naomi who are just fun girls to hang out with. We stayed at my parents' house since they were on vacation, to watch the dogs. I never mind staying at my parents' house, I don't know how much Josh likes it. I always feel very comfortable there and I enjoy being with the dogs. I was telling Josh how much I like having the dogs to come home to. I love that they are just so excited to see me! I told Josh, he could learn from them and be that excited when I come home:)

I had some major issues with my new OB/GYN. I really like the doctor, but when it came to filling my prescriptions they were a mess. They ended up sending me the wrong prescriptions (I use the mail order pharmacy thing) and I was going to have to pay $150 for the wrong medications! I was so angry and no one called me back for 3 days. Finally the office administrator called and told me he was going to send me a check for the amount of the prescriptions. He even gave me his cell phone number. After hearing from him, I kinda felt bad for calling so many times and leaving very direct messages. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll go back. I just want to have a great doctor, especially when I get pregnant and I know I'll be spending a lot of time in their office.

This past week, I've learned that I need to trust God more. I thought I had it all together, but then I started stressing about the prescription issue I mentioned. I had to keep telling myself to trust that God will take care of it. I think He brings us to that place of trust even when we think we've got things under control. Just when I thought I trusted Him completely, He shows me I can always trust Him more. He helps us to see that He loves us so much and He wants nothing but the best for His children. I love how God is so good. I felt a bit guilty after everything was resolved with the doctor's office. I felt like I should have known everything would work out. I'll just keep trying to do better.