Thinking in a new way

It's funny how when you look through my posts it goes from complete excitement to despair. I wish I knew why God allowed things like this to happen. I'll make it a point to ask about it when I get there:) I'm having a D & C on Thursday. I'm incredibly thankful that this is happening. I feel like I'll be at a better place once this is completely done.

Today was the first day I could pray without my first words to God being why or how could you do this. I think this blogging is incredibly therapeutic. I know with each day it gets better, it gets a little easier, and hurts a little less. I'm wondering if I'm really recovering or if I'm just covering up. Being back at work has really helped. I don't want to be hiding my emotions but sometimes to get through the day you have to. Yesterday was my first day back and I only cried once during the work day. Today there were no tears until I got in the car and my mom started talking to me about how good God is. I know He's good, I know He's done more for me than I've ever deserved, just right now it's hard to take when someone else says it. I know, that may sound weird and even writing it looks weird but it's hard to take. All of our friends and family have been incredibly supportive and we are so blessed to have such a wonderful church family. Josh has been amazing throughout this situation. He's been so supportive, even when I wonder if he thinks I'm a crazy delirious mess.

It's good to know that we're on the mend I know that is by the grace of God. Here's to more new days!