Feeling a bit down today.....

Well, I'm going to try and not be too depressing but on the other hand I need to vent. Just a note to those who read this, it may be depressing and sad.....

Lately, well mostly today, I've been feeling sad. I know that it's totally normal to feel depressed and sad during the holiday season; Chrismas Blues or something. I normally am not sad at all at this time, which is why it's weird that I'm sad. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed though. I love all the Christmas songs, buying presents for loved ones, giving to the Salvation Army bell dinger, decorating the house, and all the great food that comes with Christmas. I love to look back at the year and see just how much God has blessed us and we are truly blessed, so it feels wrong to be sad. Not to mention that it feels like I have a huge lump in my throat and I feel like I might be getting sick.

We have a Christmas party that we're going to tomorrow and I love parties, I love baking for the parties and our neighbors:) I could sit and write a list of the reasons I have to be sad, but most of you would know why I might be feeling a bit down. I am staying strong in my faith and trusting that God has placed Josh and I where we are for a reason. He has blessed us with the house we have for a reason and placed us with the church family we have for a reason. He has allowed us to go through the most difficult time of our lives and our marriage for a reason and brought us through it with flying colors. Although the thought of being pregnant again scares me more than I ever thought it would, I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I've learned that all of the things I thought I was totally in control of are actually out of my hands completely. I've learned in a deeper way what it means to trust God. These are all good things and things that should make me happy, but I don't feel overly happy and believe me I'm trying.

My grandparents are coming into town next week, so I'm very excited to see them. I really wish we lived closer to my extended family. I would love to move back to Texas, but God would have to talk to Josh about that:) I would love to move to Portland to be near our friends, but we haven't heard from God on that. There are a few places I'd like to move, but I think the lesson I need to learn is to be content where I am. I'm continually amazed at the man God has blessed me with. Everyday, I find I'm more and more in love with him. So, I'll go where he goes and I know God will lead and direct him as the spiritual leader of our home and that makes me happy:)

Till next time.